New Beginnings

I emailed this letter to our council and staff a few moments ago.

Council and staff:

Thank you, all, for EVERYTHING you have done to make the last weeks and days go as smoothly as they did—especially Wednesday evening. Special thanks to Gary Lankki for all his uncompensated work—hours and hours—and to Deb Hammond and Diane Zitzloff for the many hours of extra work you have put in behind the scenes. Thank you, Karen, for accompanying the hymns and thank you to all council members for your work in registering people and kindly handling questions. I did not want this vote but am glad it’s behind us.

We have a task of reconciliation ahead of us as a congregation—not something that the leaders can do on their own but we can model what Rabbi Friedman called “self-differentiation” and “non-anxious presence” while avoiding “triangulation.”

• Without compromising what we believe—being “self-differentiated”—letting others know where we stand—we can continue to be in relationship with all—being “non-anxiously present”—this includes not avoiding those who we know we disagree with and those who still feel confused and hurt above everything else.

• It’s important not to “triangulate”—that is, to not put the focus on something beyond the relationship each of us is directly involved in. The basic law of emotional triangles is that when any two parts of a system become uncomfortable with one another, they will "triangle in" or focus upon a third person, or issue, as a way of stabilizing their own relationship with one another. A person may be said to be "triangle" if he or she gets caught in the middle as the focus of an unresolved issue. Conversely, when a person tries to change the relationship of two others (two people, or a person and his or her symptoms or belief), they "triangle themselves" into that relationship (and often stabilize the very situation they are trying to change).

So, If you see that there is a way that I or anyone else is failing, then please speak directly with the one you have the “issue” with rather than talking with others about it. You can, of course, talk with others to ask for prayer or advice, but not to avoid talking with someone. That will be very important as we move ahead.

If you have any comments or questions about this, please let me know.

Looking forward to seeing you all in worship on Sunday!

Peace be with you in Jesus’ name. – and CONGRATULATIONS to Nate, Sarah & Baby Izabella Grace born the same day as our congregation meeting, Wednesday, June 23. 

www.equalsharing.com

So What Happens Now?

Tonight--well, technically, LAST night--it being after 1:00 a.m. Thursday now, our church talked and sang and sweated through a "special congregation meeting" with a vote on whether or not to disaffiliate from the ELCA.  The vote was taken shortly after 7:00 p.m. and a half hour later the vote was announced--with 111 voting "yes" to leave the ELCA and 116 voting "no." 

Later I got a text from a friend: So what happens now? 

I replied: Well... We keep praying... No quick decisions... I wasn't wanting this vote... It turned out about how I thought... Don't know what is next.  Thank you for asking.

And that's the truth. God holds the future! We are not in control! God is good! Praise God for that! God, and God alone knows "What's Next."

After spending some sweet time with friends late into the evening, we came home and I saw that my daughter Naomi had already written in her blog tonight.  Her blog is called "Simply Shalom."  She began by quoting a Roman Catholic priest and author, Henri Nouwen from his book In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership. 

"We are not the healers.
 We are not the reconcilers.
 We are not the givers of life.
 We are sinful, broken, vulnerable people who need as much care as anybody we care for."

That is so true, Naomi.  We simply submit ourselves to God and rest in His care.  Naomi went on to say:

Tonight my parents’ church voted on whether or not to leave their denominational affiliation. I was there to vote too. (I am a member, my dad is the pastor… but I do not really call it my church because I only lived there for one year.) The resolution to leave the ELCA did not pass–the vote was pretty much split 50-50, but needed a 2/3 majority to pass. But this means the congregation is split 50-50 on this subject and probably on many other related topics as well. (I wrote about this conflict before in my post “Washing Feet for Unity.“)

Our synod bishop* was there and she said to my dad (the pastor), “This just means you’ll have to work on reconciliation.” And my dad said, “Sometimes reconciliation is not possible. People are not only in conflict with one another. They are in conflict about a principle.” (see the ELCA social statement on human sexuality that was adopted in the 2009 churchwide assembly here.)

After this "vote" which showed that we are quite different from one another, and even when we cannot be FULLY reconciled, we can still can be kind to one another.  We can care about one another even when we disagree about things that are hugely important.

But even Jesus was not fully reconciled with everyone during his time on earth--we'll see that as we read from Luke 9:51-62 assigned for this coming Sunday.  There are times for many things under heaven.  There are times to "scatter" and there are times to "gather."  There are extended times of uncomfortable feelings and outright disagreements. There are things no human being can control.  Even leaders are simply too broken and weak to do much of anything sometimes.  We can follow Jesus' example.  We can love and forgive.  But we can't make someone make up.  Even Jesus didn't do that.

I hope everyone will stick together, but that's not something I can make happen.  So, when I think again about my friend's question, "So what happens now?"  I have to say, only God knows.  And tonight I'll leave it in God's hands.

If you wonder what happens now -- Ask God!  Pray, believe, and do all you can to live at peace as the Word of God commands you in Romans 12:9-21.  Breathe and trust our God.  He holds the future.  We do not.  When we surrender to God, He will work things out.  All we do is trust and obey.

On another dear "friend's" facebook wall I was reminded of these verses tonight:

Jesus said,
"Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
(Matthew 11:28-30)

That's the promise I will rest in tonight.  I have a promise from Jesus--an excellent promise of his eternal love that holds me even though I don't deserve to be held.  I'm rambling, I'm tired, I'm disoganized.  But I am so thankful that my Lord holds me anyway. Praise the name of Jesus forever!

I want to be with Jesus.  I hope you will too. Only as we are "yoked" or "connected" to Jesus can we find peace, or, as my daughter would say, "Simply Shalom."  Good night.

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*My daughter promoted Pastor Linda Pedersen to bishop!  Her official position is "Synod Minister" and she serves as assistant to Bishop John Anderson here in Southwestern Minnesota.  Naomi's blog post from tonight, pictured above, is called "We are not the reconcilers." Click the colored words for links.

www.equalsharing.com

Is It Possible?

Scripture says "With God all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26).  Even a rich man like me can be saved for the Kingdom of God.  Amazing Grace!

What about the possibility of keeping our local church together after Wednesday's congregation meeting?  This Wednesday evening there will be a meeting with a vote called for to disaffiliate from the ELCA.  Can we stay together and continue to work side by side?  Can God not do this?  What can stand in God's way?

Aside from the issue of hurt feelings and personal offense, which must be taken care of through talking with one another, confessing and repenting and forgiving... aside from that what is it that stands in the way?  And can some kind of agreement be reached?  Only with God--only according to the Word of God and by the loving spirit of Jesus Christ.

Tonight I attended a meeting of "Friends of the ELCA."  As I said to Pastor Eric Lemonholm, with whom I'm having a fascinating dialog, "I attended because I hope I am a friend, though not a happy friend at present."  I'm not happy with some deep issues* within the ELCA, but as I listened to what the "Friends of the ELCA" are saying, I find I appreciate some of the things they brought up: (1) The ELCA's support of those in need through organizations such as Lutheran World Relief and Lutheran Social Service and (2) a general non-judgmental attitude of that allows people to continue to talk with each other and work together in spite of significant disagreements.

I came out of the meeting wondering what might be possible.  I know that some people from one side or the other have been reaching out to talk with others to listen and learn from each other.  I think that's helpful.  I don't think any accommodation that trivializes or demeans either "sides" concerns will work--the difficulty with "staying" in the ELCA is that the ELCA has decided to lift up personal conscience over what seems to me and others to be so clear--that the one blessing God places on sexual relationships is heterosexual in its essence. The difficulty with "leaving" is that we're not sure what that means, what kind of future affiliation(s) would work for us... though, because there are two votes that need to be taken to leave, we would have time to figure that out.  I know of some churches that took their two votes years apart!

What might be possible?  Perhaps some kind of "staying but protesting" can be arranged... or perhaps "leaving with support" -- that if we leave we could agree to to continue to fund ELCA programs that are most important to our "Friends of the ELCA."  Last week at church council I suggested that perhaps God might intervene and bring strong voices on both sides together for the good of our local church, to sketch out a possible future, or to postpone the vote for another time while such a future is imagined...

I can't control this and I haven't.  I will continue to pray and I hope you will too.  A 25 hour prayer vigil begins tomorrow at 5 p.m.  If you'd like to participate, please contact me or call the church office (320-286-5964).  It's only with God that any good comes--and that means prayer.

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* I've outlined some of the deep issues in the ELCA previously on this blog and now again in my dialog with Pastor Lemonholm--if you're interested let me know and I'll see if we can share our conversation with you.

www.equalsharing.com

We All Need Our Fathers

Someone mentioned tonight that I had been quoted in our local "Enterprise Dispatch" newspaper in regard to our June 23 congregation meeting.  I haven't seen the paper yet and couldn't find it at home so I looked online at the newspaper's website but couldn't find it there.  Our newspaper only puts some of its news articles up on line.  I'll need to look for a paper copy! 

Instead, I found this tribute to Fathers' Day.  The original article is at this link. Enjoy!

We all need our fathers
June 7, 2010
by Jenni Sebora

My father has been gone for over seven years now. I often think that I wish our youngest daughter could have met him.

He died when our middle child was of about preschool age, so she has faint memories of him, as well as our oldest child. But our youngest never had the opportunity to meet him. Grandpa lived with us, as did my mother, for the last years of their lives, and he loved to play with my children.

My dad was a patient, kind, and loving man who would help out anyone. He loved to laugh and enjoy life; our youngest would have loved to have shared that laughter with him.

Over this past Memorial Day, my twin brother, his wife and their family, and my husband, myself, and our children enjoyed a get-together on the family farm.

The simple, yet pleasurable fun included tractor and wagon rides, boat rides, a frog hunt, hide-and-seek, a hot dog and marshmallow roast, a campfire with campfire games, and lots of laughter and camaraderie shared. When the evening was winding down, my brother shared a sentiment with me, “Dad would have loved this, he would be happy about this.”

And that is the absolute truth. I think, as a parent, our greatest joys are derived from watching our children enjoy life, happiness, and laughter. We want our children to be happy.

A father, considered by most as the head of the household and the protector of his family, finds great happiness in knowing that his family is safe and happy.

Fathers Day was started as a complement to Mothers Day, to celebrate fatherhood. President Calvin Coolidge supported the idea of making it a national holiday. In 1966, President Lyndon Johnson officially proclaimed Fathers Day a national holiday.

It took a while for Fathers Day to be accepted as a holiday. But, we know that fathers are extremely important figures in the lives of children. My father was my guide and provided a foundation of strength yet warmth, wisdom, faith, patience, comfort, and security.

My father had large hands, which my brother attributed to all of the large rocks my mother made him carry and move for all of her rock gardens. Really, those large hands symbolized the security and safety he provided. With those hands, he carried our worries and our joys.

Fathers work and toil, from day to day, for their families. My father did, and my husband does for our family. I believe that a father goes off to work each day with the major goals of serving others and providing for others, for a good greater than themselves.

We need our fathers; our sons and daughters need their fathers; mothers need fathers. A ‘father’ may be a dad, or a grandpa, or a male mentor.

I am forever grateful for my father and the time I had with him. I am also grateful for my husband, the father of our children. I appreciate all that he is to our children, our family, and myself.

Happy Fathers Day to all of the male mentors who provide stability, caring, and support. We need you.

In our home, I don't consider myself "head of the household" any more than my wife.  We make a team with the goal of coming to agreement and serving.  If there is any "headship" it's in the sense of being the most humble servant I can to my wife and family.  My highest goal should be to LOVE and SERVE and "wash feet" as Jesus did (John 13).  But, in any case, dads are extremely important in every life.  Dads, and grandpas, uncles and every man who kids trust should never underestimate the importance of all they are and all they do.  

www.equalsharing.com