Friday, June 25, 2010

New Beginnings

I emailed this letter to our council and staff a few moments ago.

Council and staff:

Thank you, all, for EVERYTHING you have done to make the last weeks and days go as smoothly as they did—especially Wednesday evening. Special thanks to Gary Lankki for all his uncompensated work—hours and hours—and to Deb Hammond and Diane Zitzloff for the many hours of extra work you have put in behind the scenes. Thank you, Karen, for accompanying the hymns and thank you to all council members for your work in registering people and kindly handling questions. I did not want this vote but am glad it’s behind us.

We have a task of reconciliation ahead of us as a congregation—not something that the leaders can do on their own but we can model what Rabbi Friedman called “self-differentiation” and “non-anxious presence” while avoiding “triangulation.”
  • Without compromising what we believe—being “self-differentiated”—letting others know where we stand—we can continue to be in relationship with all—being “non-anxiously present”—this includes not avoiding those who we know we disagree with and those who still feel confused and hurt above everything else.
  • It’s important not to “triangulate”—that is, to not put the focus on something beyond the relationship each of us is directly involved in. The basic law of emotional triangles is that when any two parts of a system become uncomfortable with one another, they will "triangle in" or focus upon a third person, or issue, as a way of stabilizing their own relationship with one another. A person may be said to be "triangle" if he or she gets caught in the middle as the focus of an unresolved issue. Conversely, when a person tries to change the relationship of two others (two people, or a person and his or her symptoms or belief), they "triangle themselves" into that relationship (and often stabilize the very situation they are trying to change).
So, If you see that there is a way that I or anyone else is failing, then please speak directly with the one you have the “issue” with rather than talking with others about it. You can, of course, talk with others to ask for prayer or advice, but not to avoid talking with someone. That will be very important as we move ahead.

If you have any comments or questions about this, please let me know.

Looking forward to seeing you all in worship on Sunday!

Peace be with you in Jesus’ name. – and CONGRATULATIONS to Nate, Sarah & Baby Izabella Grace born the same day as our congregation meeting, Wednesday, June 23.

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